mr. zilla goes to town

Thursday, June 03, 2004

torn from the pages of the DSM IV/IV

The Second Sign of Vinyl Addiction

The maligned individual will try to convince others to buy turntables. Quick-witted enough to realize their own problem, the subject will try to convince slower and more corruptable individuals to purchase so as to allow for their own usage. (Horny japanese men are the foremost target, not quite sure why.) If this doesn't work though, the individual will fall into stages of withdrawal or depression, bouts of alcoholism or "drunkeness" before pulling up the tab on the credit card and realizing they've already bought a turntable worth of Lebatt Blue. (poor sod.) Totally distraught and at the end of the line, the malignant will finally bite the bullet and pick up a turntable. There will be much rejoicing amongst the village that is already drunk on Lebatt Blue. (pathetic sods.)

The Third Sign of Vinyl Addiction

So you've sold your girlfriend into slave labor for a rare Bootsy Collins mix...

Alas, true. I'm into a program of professional therapy sessions to ensure I don't slip into stage three. (Not yet anyway... got to hold out for the higher post-doctoral market value...)

As referred and diagnosed by after-hours colleague Sean, who as you can see, clearly has his own menagerie of mental health issues in this area... fourth sign, staying the course?


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