mr. zilla goes to town

Friday, September 16, 2005

Why We Went To War (version 4.0)

So you thought we kicked shit off in Iraq to take out the WMDs? Or maybe you were sold on the "freedom, flowers, democracy and a pony" package? What about the "Mesopotamia as jumbo roll of two-ply terrrrist flypaper" strategy?

Wake up and smell the coffee, bitches:

O’Reilly: The truth of the matter is our correspondents at Fox News can’t go out for a cup of coffee in Baghdad.

Rice: Bill, that’s tough. It’s tough. But what — would they have wanted to have gone out for a cup of coffee when Saddam Hussein was in power?

As Jake Blues once said: Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ, I have seen the light! To think, I was so misguided to once think that the Anglosphere's involvement in Iraq had its roots in promoting and protecting the energy security of the global economy. To think, that while dreading the likely failure of their approach, at least I once begrudgingly gave the Bush administration credit for a gasping fiery breadth of strategic foresight in the PNAC approach to the future, based upon the ability to deny the middle east's oil to the waking dragon.

Oh no! Oh, no. Apparently the whole point was so that when fucking Fox correspondents wake up, wherever they are in the world it's still morning in America. As a result they'll have a spring in their step as they cross the street for a fucking frappucino on their way to work in the lower intestines of the neo-con noise machine.

Let this be a lesson to us all - from the lexicographers, to the latte-liberals, to the bleedin' beverly hillbillies. Apparently the true black gold isn't Texas-T. It's not even buck-a-barrel Saudi crude. No, strategic quintessence is freshly brewed mocha java, with a delightful wafting aroma of hegemony and a velvety capitalist crema.

No wonder Starbucks is taking over the world.


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