mr. zilla goes to town

Thursday, January 26, 2006

always look on the bright side

So you're Australian. Your conservative government more deeply entrenched in power than ever. It has greater control over the federal parliament than any power in almost thirty years. In the last six months it has set about destroying a hundred years of progress in enlightened labour relations. It's so bored of putting its Labor opponents to the sword, it's now begun to cannibalize its coalition partner, the rural hick inbred half-cousin that's always kept out of sight at weddings. Dickhead surf-bogans are smashing random wogs in Cronulla, and dickhead wogs are bashing random Anglos in Sydney's west.

Still, look on the bright side, at least you've had a century of enlightened labour progress. It could be worse; you could be American.

So you're American. Your radically conservative government has controlled the two electable branches of the federal government since 2000. The executive is so incompetently corrupt that the chief of staff to the Vice President is facing charges of obstruction of justice - the first time a White House official has been indicted for a felony in 143 years. The Republican Congress is so incestuously corrupt that the conviction of a single Bush-pioneer K Street lobbyist, Jack Abramoff, has implicated so many congressmen it could swing the 2006 mid-term elections against them. Your superpower military is grinding itself into hamburger in Iraq, with 70% of personnel rotating to serve in Iraq in 2006 on their third tour of duty. And despite blowing close to a quarter of a trillion bucks on the gambit, insurgent attacks are as frquent and deadly as they've ever been, Afghanistan is going back down the crapper, Osama Bin Laden is still podcasting his little kidneys out, and despite the addition of a cock-ring of a World War Two Memorial on the Mall, the Washington Monument when viewed from the feet of Abraham Lincoln still looks like the world's biggest double ended dildo.

Still, look on the bright side. At least you're still fighting the terrorists. Over in Palestine, they've just elected them to run the joint.

So you're a Palestinian. You've just elected Hamas to run the place: an organisation ideologically committed to the destruction of Israel, and responsible for dozens of suicide bombings and around 500 deaths since the intifada began. Israel, by the way, have in all practical (if not ideological) terms over the last few years committed themselves to the destruction of Hamas. If they don't behave themselves in power, then even by the perverted logic of the aforementioned podcaster Osama Bin Laden, the Israelis are gonna be sleeping so soundly behind their monster wall at night they won't even hear the random hellfire rockets landing in your towns.

Still, look on the bright side. Your newly elected leaders might be terrorists, but at least now they've got a slim shot at respectability. It could be worse, they could be the parliamentary wing of the British Liberal Democrats.

So you're a member of the parliamentary wing of the Liberal Democrats. After (I think) your party's strongest ever showing in a UK national election in 2005, you and your fellow members rounded on your virile, chummy and hard-boozing (but then apparently determinedly ex-boozing) leader Charles Kennedy and pulled the rug from under him. Christ, it'd be as if Graham Richardson had gone the squirrel on Hawkie after one too many lemonades celebrating the America's Cup victory in 1983. In the current leadership contest that has followed the spill, of the four gentlemen candidates in the gates, already not one but two have been forced out of the closet, one of them both married and having fornications with the occasional rent-boy, the other just a such a hypocritical ning nong even the readers of the Daily Mail can smell it.

If this disgraceful display - in political terms, I could give a toss about how some other people may see the "moral character" issues - leads to the dissolving of your support and relevance over the life of the current parliament, you'll know that you bunch of gormless gits have handed the next election to the Tories on a plate.

Still, look on the bright side. At least you've got a party to go to. (And chances are that after a few pints of gin, at least somebody is gonna get some, somewhere - with or without a mighty national cockumental dong.)

It could be worse, you could be George Galloway...

2 Comments:

  • "cock-ring" and "dildo" in one post! good effort.

    it could be worse...

    Q - what's brown and hairy and grows on a cunt?

    A - George Galloway's moustache...

    so you're George Galloway's moustache...discuss.

    p.s. pint in the oak sounds good!

    By Blogger The Capgras Delusion, at 11:52 am  

  • I mean really, the man's a goose -- even Germaine Greer had the sense to pull the plug after a couple of days on BB.

    By Blogger mister z, at 1:57 pm  

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